


It's a Pity

by orphan_account



Series: HSWC 2014 [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drabble, Homestuck Shipping World Cup 2014, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 21:18:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1757283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the HSWC prompt:<br/>Mamihlapinatapai - Yaghan - a look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Pity

You told yourself you wouldn't do this.

You swore up and down that you were done with embarrassing ill-advised courtships with human males (hell you'd do paradox space a favor by never interacting with another living soul again) and you had absolutely no intentions of ruining the broship you'd come to value with Dave.

Fucking typical. You just can't ever leave a good thing be. 

At a glance it's hard to pity Dave- he almost has his own self fooled with his stupid coolkid persona. But that's all it is; a joke, a facade. Dave Strider is a huge, insecure dork. He's actually not that different from you in some ways, but instead of being loathsome, he's infuriatingly sympathetic. 

There's a movie playing on the screen in front of you, one of your favorites, but it's hard for you to pay much attention. Dave makes a snarky quip every now and then and you vehemently rebuff him, but you could talk Strider down on mental auto-pilot any day.

You feel your fists clench from their place on your lap, stubbornly avoiding Strider's gaze. Looking at him makes it harder. Part of you is grateful for his shades. They're frustrating as hell because it makes it all the harder to gauge the weight behind his expressions, but something tells you that looking into his eyes day in and day out would destroy you. In a way, the dumb glasses are the protective shield for you as well. It keeps Strider behind an inaccessible barrier. Ignorant as you are, it's better Dave keeps himself at arm's length so you don't get any wrong ideas. Especially when they're the only kind you seem to have.

So you're going to bury these flushed feelings, not only for the sake of your friendship but your dignity. Dave is still human and male; he has only one kind of romance in his pump biscuit, and you're not quite stupid enough to think he'd ever make you his one and only- not even if he wasn't a 'heterosexual'. He could've had Terezi, for fuck's sake, and he let her go (something you're still not convinced was a good idea). You're lucky to just be his bro.

* * *

Karkat's been sitting like an anxious bird for a while now. You try to break him out of it by poking fun at his beloved romcom, but he verbally swats you every time. You find it endearing how much he loves this crap, but you kinda wish he'd pay you some attention already. You like to play it cool as some kind of rad loner, but the truth is you can be embarrassingly needy at times.  

You're kinda fucking terrified of being too overbearing and clingy and scaring Karkat away as a result, so you find time to sneak off and chat with the Mayor. The little Dersite's gotten you through a lot of rough moments, and a lot of awkward feelings regarding the troll sitting next to you. He was the one you babbled through your sexuality confusion with, the one who nodded sagely at every pause for breath. He helps you get that shit out of your system so you don't wind up embarrassing yourself too severely.

You like Karkat, beyond friendship. You like that he calls you out on your bs, you like that he's scrappy and loud but is a romantic nerd who just wants to take care of his friends. You hate that he hates himself, and love all the alien chirps and purrs he makes when he gets particularly emotional. Unlike you he wears his heart on his sleeve; he can't contain all the frustration or the care he feels for others. It makes you feel like you can trust him, like he'll always be straight with you. It makes you feel safe because even if he did lie, he'd be really terrible at it. A childhood with Bro has made you pretty sick of guessing people's thoughts and motives.

But it's just not feasible. There's a big battle coming up soon, and you know you're going to be in the center of it. You've tucked Aradia's enigmatic words into the recesses of your mind, and have seen enough dead Daves to know it's likely you won't pull through. You've got a connection with Lord English, you and all the Time players, and knowing that makes it hard to get close to someone. You're exactly the kind of asshole who'd sacrifice his life doing some stupid heroic stunt, and Karkat deserves a partner who won't cut out on him because of nonlinear pre-destined bullshit. 

And that's assuming he'd even be interested. The proof is right in front of you that Karkat loves sappy love stories and big romantic gestures. You know he deserves all of that stuff. Why the hell would he settle for a schmuck like you, a guy who can't even be himself around people without playing some stupid role. You don't know the first thing about courting someone; what you had with Terezi had always been an open flirtation. It was casual attraction between two kids, and it ran its course.

You're not going to tell him. If you do, he's going to feel obligated in some way, or he's going to feel guilty and awkward. Or he's going to reciprocate, and you'll eventually ruin everything anyway. The thought of him responding favorably makes something inside you jump, but that fleeting bliss wouldn't be worth the inevitable devastation you'd leave him with. 

So you try to sprawl out as casually as possible on the couch, already imagining how you'll tell Mayor that you didn't have it in you to come clean. It's for the best. Karkat hasn't had a bro he could just chill with since shit went down, and you tell yourself you're content to be that friend.


End file.
